Help stop the DoJ bullying Apple
Join me in defending the rights of $2.8tn companies
For anyone who cares about justice, now is the time to stand up and be counted.
The DoJ is bullying defenceless Apple.
They, like the EU before them, are saying there’s some kind of ‘problem’ with Apple deciding which apps you can install, and from where.
How dare Merrick Garland pretend that iPhone users own their devices? How dare he claim that these so-called ‘owners’ should control how they’re used?
News flash: they don’t own a thing. There’s an easy way to check: just turn the phone upside down. What do you see? The Apple logo.
Ipso facto, quod erat demonstrandum: all iPhones belong to Apple.
It’s Latin, dummy.
Apple should be the ones who get to decide what happens on them, not the 18% of all humans who briefly carry them around every day until they die.
And that includes Apple having the right to make people install from the official App Store only, where Apple taxes every transaction. It’s for our own good. That way, Apple chooses for us which apps we’re allowed to install, and which apps show up at the top of search results.
But these DoJ assholes are now trying to destroy Apple’s divine right to manage every aspect of how their phones are used. They should be ashamed of themselves.
Look what’s happening out there. Apple’s share price is plummeting. You’ve probably already read the shocking reports of the Apple C-suite out on the streets, begging for money. Any further bullying by DoJ could cause dozens more senior Apple directors to go homeless, followed, God forbid, by those in our society who are most vulnerable: their shareholders.
What utter bullcrap this all is. It’s common sense that allowing Apple to decide the future of the internet is far safer. Apple knows what’s best for us.
Today, in response to the DoJ’s witchhunt, I’m launching my own campaign.
We need to:
Keep Apple safe from competition
Keep Apple management paid as much as possible
Keep Apple shareholders from starving
Keep Apple in total control of the billions of iPhones they rightfully own
If you agree: please make a donation immediately by going to your nearest Apple Store and picking up the iPhone 15 Plus. It has an all-new 48MP main camera!
Remember: you won’t own it. But hell, will you feel a glow just from being its temporary custodian.